Zion said

I'm going to sleep now. I love dreaming.

Yuan

Happy 9th birthday, Yuan!

Our prayer is, aside from good health and good days:
for you to live an inspiring, wholesome, purpose-filled life, 
that you love every minute of it, 
and that you retain what it takes to live it, chiefly: deep faith, love, courage, discipline and gratitude.

We love you, yuanski!

july 9 and 11

"Some people turn a year older and suddenly start asking, 'Where am I? How did I get here? And by the way, how do I go back?'

"But not us. We've got our bearings, and we're right where we should be - at our best, right smack dab between experience and possibility, and perfectly positioned for a great new year of you and me"*

Happy birthday to us!

*so says the hallmark greeting card marvin received (with a bit of paraphrasing involved)

Boats

Can you guess where these were taken?

Build me a Son

A prayer written by Gen. Douglas MacArthur for his son:

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.


Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.


Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.


And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.


Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, have not lived in vain.

To the Women of Malolos

In remembrance of Rizal's 150th birth anniversary, a few select lines from his letter to the women of Malolos:

"The mother who can only teach her child how to kneel and kiss hands must not expect sons with blood other than that of vile slaves.

Awaken and prepare the will of our children towards all that is honorable, judged by proper standards, to all that is sincere and firm of purpose, clear judgment, clear procedure, honesty in act and deed, love for the fellowman and respect for God.  And, seeing that life is full of thorns and thistles, you must fortify their minds against any stroke of adversityand accustom them to danger.

Open your children’s eyes so that they may jealously guard their honor, love their fellowmen and their native land, and do their duty.  Always impress upon them they must prefer dying with honor to living in dishonor."

Marvin

The greatest dad in the whole wide world! 



we love you to bits!

summer 2011

some scenes from a summer now gone...

"Fulfillment is a byproduct of how people engage their tasks, and can’t be pursued directly. Most of us are egotistical and most are self-concerned most of the time, but it’s nonetheless true that life comes to a point only in those moments when the self dissolves into some task. The purpose in life is not to find yourself. It’s to lose yourself."


-David Brooks, NYT columnist

2nd sunday of May

happy mother's day to us!

A Franciscan Blessing

"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. 

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. 

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, and starvation, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. 

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done."

Batanes on my mind

Let me put that in a list:

·            The rolling hills with the neatly trimmed grass. They’re my favorite backdrop for our Batanes pictures.  These hills treat you to an unobstructed view of the horizon, which appears distinctly concave, like an outline of the earth’s curvature. You then see for your self that the world truly isn’t flat. 

·            The goats and the cows on the slopes and the hills...

I look at them and they're beautiful and serene. A wave of compassion sweeps over me.  And I think this must be how vegans feel, because at that instance I almost decided to become one.  Well, just almost, because I know I couldn't.  I eat meat and I can live with that fact because I somehow believe that though the death of these animals can be painful, it’s not necessarily senseless and brutal.  There's nobility in their death.  I just hope then that when it's their time, they all fall in the hands of a grateful and tender slaughterer.

·            Minimalism as a way of life. In this place, only the views are grand and opulent. Everything else is simple and “just enough”.  And in a world with a penchant for sickening excesses, Batanes is a refreshing escape.  Whether this counterculture is driven by circumstance or freely embraced as a philosophy is beside the point. 

The fact is these people have always managed to get by on just enough, sometimes probably even on barely enough. From where I stand, it doesn’t look pitiful at all. Perhaps because you can sense that the people don't really need as much, and so enough is truly enough. For someone with complicated needs, that is an appealing, if not a liberating notion.

·            The cozy neighborhoods of Basco.  The narrow but paved and clean streets, right-sized houses (there’s only so much living space one needs), outdoor plants, the mom and pops, stand-alone produce and meat stalls, fresh catch sold in the street corners, neighbors catching up, bikes instead of noisy trikes… it’s almost my ideal neighborhood.  It’s not fancy by anyone’s standard but it feels warm and cozy, and dignified. But if this same neighborhood were transplanted to Manila, it would feel so achingly different with the city’s oppressive stench, noise, and disorder.  

 

·            Chavayan, Sabtang,  the community that shows how living in context and grace looks like up-close:  The Dwell-worthy vernacular houses make perfect sense. People know and look out for one another.  Services and labor are the main currency.  Things are not typically bought but handcrafted or harvested.  It’s a wholesome communal living that feels organic, and not a bit contrived. I think it’s charming (up to a point).

 

·            The (famed) Honesty of the people.  You sense It when you walk in the streets and see the occasional unmanned stores, wide open doors partly covered with flowing curtains (which  is more for aesthetics than privacy), and the grill-less windows.  

            It stares you in the face when you walk into the Honesty Cafe  which makes you wonder if this concept of a shop would work elsewhere in the country (I truly doubt that). 

          And then you spot It when you talk to the masseuse who say that they crave for Jollibee too but won’t give up their peace, quiet and fresh air for a chicken joy; to the young tour guide who prefers to have the plastic chocolate box over the Ferrero inside; to another local who says that life in the islands is hard work but never hopeless.  

         ·     And so there’s dignity. I like that best in a people.

There are still a few more things I love about Batanes but for now this list is enough.

Batanes is really beautiful. And a part of me hopes that it stays the same, because so much about it is rare and precious. But I worry what the booming tourism and cable TV (showcasing the lure of modern living) can do to its soul. I worry that it will make them feel, wrongly, utterly lacking. I hope it won’t but instead that it will reveal to them what treasures they have and the great possibilities those treasures could bring.

And then there’s a (bigger) part of me that hopes for some things to change, for Batanes to still evolve and turn into the BEST VERSION of itself, worthy of the world’s admiration and emulation. One only has to look to the Nordic and could see how even the seemingly least conducive and harsh lands (topography and climate-wise) can be an envy of everyone for its quality of life.

Batanes can be that.  That is the possibility I see.

monday fantasies

if money were not an issue, i would be working at some quirky neighborhood coffeeshop or in an international airport (a regional hub preferably. cannot be in manila).  such warmth, vibrance and energy in these places, don't you think so?

the frenzy of the comings and goings of the travelers in the airport excites me.  i think it's hard to get bored there, especially if you enjoy people watching. if it's in frankfurt airport, i'd be riding a bike inside its wide halls like its workers do, spotting kababayans and engaging them in chit chats while they wait for their flights.

btw, i have decided i really like our village simply because 
i get to see up close everyday on my way to work 
the airplanes on the runway,  ready to take off. 

i always think about the people inside those planes.  

are they excited about going away or going home? 
coz i would be. 

coffee. its aroma never fails to transport me to a beautiful place, even if i'm smack in the middle of harrison plaza (which is not the kind of place you want to preserve, even if it's the first mall in the country, trust me.).

hmmm...
why not run my own coffeeshop?  i'll call it "brew ha" LOL.
maybe "Kina Joe at Frankie" KJF.
 ang bagong hangout ng mga taxi drivers & minimum wage earners.
walang ingles2x. tagalog or bisaya 'pag nag-take ng order.

Or, or, and/or, sell artisan chocolates.  premium dark only, 70% up.  

what's the brand name going to be?  "ellen's"!  
(zak, that won't sell, i'm telling you.)  
wait, i think i'm going to call it "Lily".  

but if you get to build your own brand of chocolate someday son, 
you can name it after me :)

bliss. ain't it bliss.

two saturdays ago

600h, 12Feb, Air Force City

love, actually

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. 

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love, actually, is all around.”

- opening lines from the movie "love actually"

3 stories

Sunday's newspaper was filled with stories about marriage - failed, recovering and flourishing.  

One story was of a socialite who finally gave up on her husband who had already left her (anyway) for someone she knows so well, a friend in her prayer group.  the betrayal of betrayals.

another story was of the wife of a famous sportsman who have had some very public affairs, the latest of which was so intense it almost permanently tore their marriage apart. but it didn't, and the Affair ended and the marriage survived.

the last one was by Rica Bolipata-Santos, about her marriage that has just turned 16. 

if the other two stories sowed fear and cynicism, hers gave inspiration and warmth with her moving testimony of the beauty of the deepest intimacy.  she wrote about love and its many manifestations in her marriage:

"..looking at him as he changed a tire in the car, exhausted from the day, I realized how wonderful he was — that he could change a tire. Such a useful thing compared to my own gifts. How grateful my heart that someone as flimsy as me could have him to anchor me. "

"In our fourth year, I lose so much blood that I collapse into his arms. His words to me right before I slip into unconsciousness: “Do Not Leave Me.” A command, not a whisper. His own realization that my frailty was a thing that only he could fully witness. No one else has seen how weak I truly am."

"On our first month of marriage, I spoke of how unhappy I was at work and he cried."

"The crazy, impulsive choices I’ve made, the disasters we can both predict, but am allowed to take, an absolute gift. And to hold each other when others die..."

"In the 12th year, facing each other in a public place listing what we did not like about each other, laughing — the honesty of such an exercise. There is relief in the heart that one can say the most awful things and still be loved."

Love is such a beauty, if you care enough to recognize it. And she does.

Wrapping up her story, this is what she had to say:

"To be in a marriage is to stand the test of time together, by choice, until death do us part. It is lunacy, really — to counter the natural tendency of all things to become old and ordinary. But it is this very lunacy that makes it extraordinary."

I intend to write, anniversary after anniversary, that same conviction about marriage and of my utmost gratitude for the love shared with the man who is the Constant in my life.  

Everybody's free to Wear Sunscreen

I was reminded of this song (or is it spoken word?) with an unforgettable lyrics when a friend posted snippets of it on his FB wall. So I googled it, and I found out that the lyrics was actually lifted from the column of Mary Schmich in the Chicago Tribune.

The song talks about life reminders (in imaginary bullet points) and I remember how I liked it so much. I was thinking, these are the words of wisdom I'd like to pass on to my kids. (i think i had zaki then already. because i remember hearing this song in our revo. zaki came before the revo.)

I also got smitten even by its simple yet overlooked one-worders ("Floss").

Plus I guess I have this infatuation for 'bullet points'. I think it's a great invention. It makes ideas easier to digest, especially for people who have no patience and skill to mine them from lengthy paragraphs. 
But I digress.
Here's the sunscreen song:

"Wear Sunscreen"

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '98: Wear sunscreen. 

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

• Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. 
• Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday. 
• Do one thing every day that scares you. 
• Sing. 
• Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. 
• Floss. 
• Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. 
• Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. 
• Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements. 
• Stretch. 
• Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. 
• Get plenty of calcium. 
• Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. 
• Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. 
• Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. 
• Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. 
• Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. 
• Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. 
• Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. 
• Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. 
• Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. 
• Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. 
• Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. 
• Travel. 
• Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. 
• Respect your elders. 
• Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. 
• Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. 
• Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. 

But trust me on the sunscreen.

She

She doesn't know it, but to me she's the most enlightened parent in the world.  I wouldn't even want myself (especially my teenage self) for a daughter but I think she handled me pretty well.  In the hands of a less capable parent, a stubborn, reckless, insecure teenager like I was would self-destruct in no time. But I came through, if I may say so myself.

She has always been a selfless parent.  She let neither her fears hold me back nor her expectations define me. She let me live my life, even if I wasn't worthy of that kind of trust.  That's because she had no illusions about living my life for me; and because she was ready to bear whatever the consequence, the likeliest being disappointment and heartbreak.

When the disappointments did come, she indulged some tears but kept her trusting stance.  Thankfully, I eventually managed to grow up.  More important,  I have come to love my life, warts and all, with no regrets, bitterness and what-ifs.  And that, I hope, made her heartbreaks even just a little bit worth it.

My life is blessed because of the life that she has been living: that of sacrifice, unconditional love and faith.  My life is unfolding the way it is because of the prayers she keeps in her heart.

If I can make my heart as big and brave as hers, develop discernment as deep as hers, blessed even more are my husband and children.

Happy birthday Ma!

take two

i don't have anything in particular to write about right now.  but i need to post something because i've been making it a point to do an entry a week.  and i can't afford another area of dismal performance because i have already been feeling like an epic failure with my NY list.

so sorry so soon, right?   i also can't believe it, as i watch myself violating my list day after day after day since the time i wrote it, and it's not even February yet.  the resolve is not supposed to wane this early.  and to think i felt my list was such a baby. you know, sleep early, be on time, wear make up...  chicken, right? apparently not for me.  

how about you?  hope you're faring much better than i am.  (or lucky you if you didn't make a list)

i should have probably just stuck with the one-word theme for the year like i used to. sounds simpler.  it's like setting a guiding principle of what you yearn to master for that year. it's just a theme, so it's hard to tell if you're keeping/doing it or not (guilt evasion scheme). but your gut will tell you. guts don't B.S.

so mine last year was authenticity: to know my self better, enjoy that self, be really that self.   but as you can see, i have managed to come up with a loong list of things i need to change about myself last Jan 1.  so i guess i failed in my quest for authenticity too haha*  (just let me wallow in this sense of failure.  i can take this)

but i still want to have a theme for this year,  or make it two coz i'm retaining authenticity.  i was thinking of 'Depth'.  that's the word that popped in head while i listened to my pastor's sunday talk.  i was thinking: i love this church, i love how it re-focuses me to the essential matters of life, i love how it makes me want to become a person with a sense of mission and meaningful burdens.

then i realized i like it when i connect to my deeper self, when i'm not too engrossed with the mundane.  i want to have that not only when i'm in church. i want that to be a mainstay feeling.

but then Monday beckoned.

you know Mondays. they're not cuddly like Sundays.  and unfortunately, i need to contend with, like, 4 mondays a week (i'm counting out friday).

you also probably know how it's a challenge to stay in touch with the deeper self in an 8 to 5 work setting. so much stimuli.  so by barely mid-monday, i slide back to mundane.  at the rate i'm going, how could i possibly do deep 7 days a week?

maybe i don't really want deep (cop out!)

maybe i just want to be kinder.  to be consistently and effortlessly kind.  because i hate it too when i b*tch. it's so lowly.

kindness. it's warm and fuzzy and has more practical use in the world than depth.  you can even kill with it.

authenticity + kindness. maybe this is what my loong chicken list really is all about.

(Photo not mine. stumbled upon it 2 years ago while surfing aimlessly)

* at this point, i can imagine my mother saying: but you're still being yourself. you're just trying to become your best self. 

the grocery store

if i haven't yet, then let me tell you now i love grocery stores (especially the specialty ones).  i could stay there the entire day going through every aisle, skimming every brand of coffee, chili sauce, dark chocolate, body wash, tea, and other quirky stuffs.   this infatuation should be harmless except that the longer I stay there, the longer my list becomes with mostly i-just-realized-i-need-this items. you could imagine the husband not being pleased at all.

I make it a point to visit grocery stores in every place i visit.  i feel like a local when i'm inside one, wherever that may be.  and there's always a lot of interesting stuff in there, things not sold back home (like a carton of egg whites, would you believe?)

and it's good to know i'm not the only one out there who loves grocery stores. sara my sis does, too. she's particularly fond of Trader Joe's. good stuff.

what's your favorite store?

the obligatory new year's list

Sleep before 9:30pm
Walk for 1& 1/2 hours everyday, am and noon
Take the stairs always
Eat only fruits for breakfast
No sweets, unless it's dark choco bar (at least 70%)
No pork, unless it's lechon
Wake up no later than 5am
Pray right before sleeping and right after waking up
Check Facebook on weekends only
No complaints, no judgment
Listen more, talk less
Seek to understand everyone
Speak only kind words about anybody. Keep harsh opinions to self
Wear make up
Add more colors to wardrobe
Get pedicure every other week, facial once a month (may budget ba?)
Use up a bottle of body lotion down to the last drop (coz i usually ditch it even when it's not even half)
No shoe purchase until October
No bag and make up purchase for the year
Buy good quality only
No gadget purchase for the year
Optimize and enjoy whatever's available
Tithe religously
Visit Sagada wih the entire family
Climb Mt. Maculot
Visit Hundred Islands
Be on time for everything, particularly for work
Read to zion and pray with the kids every night (walang mintis)
Cook saturday lunch and dinner (ok, kahit lunch lang)
Prepare menu for the entire week and actually stick to it
Purge closet and shoe cabinet
Stick to our grocery budget
Prettify the backyard patio
Learn German
Write thank you notes
Give marvin back rubs, even when he doesn't ask for it


whew, and this isn't even as exhaustive as i feel it should be.  such a long way to my better self, but should be getting there.   


Happy 2011!