the thoughts swimming in my head lately

I want to tell you about these things:

Our Christmas 2012/New Year’s 2013
It has been deliberately low-key, and I liked it.  A big part of the low-keyness was for convenience:

The Christmas Tree – instead of our old, bulky, dust-gathering tree, our tree was a real tree, er shrub.  My principled self’s reason for using it is I wanted to bring in a new, more meaningful Christmas symbol that is the Jesse Tree. My practical self’s is it didn’t take up valuable space in our tiny unit.

Gifts – I convinced my colleagues to do away with our gift giving (which was starting to feel obligatory) and have instead a ‘shared experience’. We toyed with doing the rounds at the homes for the aged, but we lacked the energy. So we settled for the easiest to pull off: an eat-all-you-can fest.  For their kids, the idea was to give experiential gifts, so I gave tickets to a museum.  Gift buying was generally a breeze.

13 round fruits – totally abandoned the round fruits, with the permission of my mother who is the family’s NY tradition keeper.  My principled self invoked Roman 8:28 (“And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him.” ). My practical self just didn’t want the hassle of collecting the lucky 13 fruits which, according to my mother’s handbook should include a twin-head pineapple for improved luck.  And do I have to tell you how the prices of fruits go wild leading to new year’s?

The media noche – we didn’t bother finding out what are supposed to be the lucky aoohdfnd not-lucky food; we just prepared what was easy to prepare and what we actually wanted to eat.   I didn’t feel harried and there were no obscene quantities of leftovers.

Some people might say that not making the effort to make the holidays a wee bit more special is so un-mother.  We’re supposed to make Christmas extra special for kids.  I hope my kids don’t feel that, and if they do, I hope they forgive me.  But more important, I hope my kids don’t feel like they have to wait for Christmas to feel our family’s togetherness and love.  I hope they don’t need Christmas for the feel good moments because, well, if so, isn’t that tragic?

Matthew 6:33
This is what I said would be my verse for 2013, seeking God above all else.
I used to make long list of New Year resolutions, but most of these resolutions don’t cross over to the list of accomplishments.  So the list feels stale, with all the recycling it went through. I said maybe I need to change approaching things. Maybe it’s time I recognize there’s more to will and motivation when it comes to changing yourself, or anything for that matter.

God’s grace.

And then this verse just presented itself during a conversation with colleagues.  It spoke to me, and I’m claiming it.

But what does it mean to seek God, I’m not even sure.  I want to operationalize God-seeking in my life, not only during Sundays when I’m psyched up for depth and soul connecting.  How do you seek God in the context of the day-to-day and the mundane, because this is where my challenge lies?

I want my life to be a manifestation of my God-seeking.  I want my family life, my relationships, my work, my credit card bills, my driving, to be an expression of my deep yearning for God. (note to self: for starters, how about resisting that urge to honk hoping it will make the other driver feel guilty about cutting you?)

By God’s grace.

The Man in the Arena
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly . . ."

This is from Teddy Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic”.  It’s a long one, but if you care for speeches that don’t BS, that take a clear stand about certain beliefs, avoid platitudes and ambiguities, then this is a good read.

Sometimes I’d like to daydream about the things I would be doing if money was no object.  What would be my arena?

I think I used to be passionate about certain things at work, but somehow along the way I started feeling jaded.  And that’s something I promised myself I wouldn’t to turn out to be.   I like to think about myself as having that fire, the drive to do and produce something meaningful at work.  I don’t know about you but work plays a big role in my self-definition.  

I pray for passion for things that matter, for spunk and stamina, for kindness and understanding for people who don’t seem to get it, for forgiveness for myself for unmet expectations, forthe wisdom to know meaningful passion from vanity, for useful skills.   And when I have indeed done the things I dreamed of doing, I pray for the grace to proclaim, I did it only by God’s Grace.

These are the things that swam in my head reading the speech.  Be careful indeed what you read.

Build me a Son

A prayer written by Gen. Douglas MacArthur for his son:

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.


Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.


Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.


And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.


Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, have not lived in vain.

A Franciscan Blessing

"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. 

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. 

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, and starvation, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. 

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done."

A Parent's Prayer

Around the last week of August every year, my kids' school celebrates Parents' Day to "recognize and promote parenting as a central vocation for our families and communities". I find it one of the more poignant occasions in school as the kids pay simple but meaningful tribute to their "angels on earth".

I'm sharing here one of the prayers featured in this year's celebration. I have no idea who wrote this, but it's good. Like a mantra only longer, it captures my essential parenting philosophies.

A Parent's Prayer

Help me give my children the best...not of trappings or toys, but of myself, cherishing them on good days and bad, theirs and mine.

Teach me to accept them for who they are, not for what they do; to listen to what they say, if only so they will listen to me; to encourage their goals, not mine; and please, let me laugh with them and be silly.

Let me give them a home where respect is the cornerstone, integrity the foundation, and there is enough happiness to raise the roof. May I give them the courage to be true to themselves; the independence to take care of themselves and the faith to believe in a power much greater than their own.

Let me see to it that I discipline my children without demeaning them, demand good manners without forgetting my own and let them know they have limitless love, no matter what they do.

Let me feed them properly, clothe them adequately, and have enough to give them small allowances...not for the work they do but the pleasure they bring. And let me be moderate in all these things, so the joy of getting will help them discover the joy of giving.

Let me see to it that their responsibilities are real but not burdensome, that my expectations are high but not overwhelming and that my thanks and praise are thoughtful and given when they're due.

Help me teach them that excellence is work's real reward, and not the glory it brings. But when it comes, and it will, let me revel in each honor, however small, without once pretending that it's mine; my children are glories enough.

Above all, let me ground these children so well that I can dare to let them go. And may they be so blessed.

-oOo-
update: i had to change the photo above because my eldest found the first one a bit repulsive and tantamount to abuse (they were on their back, soaking wet from playing with water hose). such heightened sense of propriety and empowerment