one weekend

This guy

- enjoys what he does for a living, especially since he gets to strut in his knee-high boots
- does't mind posing for a fan asking for his photo
- has domestic concerns too, but the moment he steps into that intersection, they're forgotten until he comes home again
- probably worries about the inevitable retirement (would i still get to wear my bootlegs and boots when i'm not standing here anymore?)
- can't part with his sideburns
- gives me a visual treat in my daily commute
- loves the '70s and marlborough country (and leon guerrero and FPJ)
- would probably kick me for this

Happy

“Mommy, I am happy”

This was my youngest son’s pronouncement as he took in the view from his window on our flight back to Manila. His eyes seemed to sparkle and he looked so earnest. Why, I asked; I just feel it, he answered.

I’m actually amazed by this little boy’s ability and readiness to articulate his deepest feelings. I say deep because happiness is a term he doesn't casually throw around. Four year olds may be expected to equate happy with gifts, sweets and other treats. But this was not about any of those things.

He was just looking out the window, watching in midair the clouds, the glorious sunset and, a few minutes earlier, a heart-shaped islet. What could have moved him to say he's happy? Perhaps (and this is probably me pushing things a little too much) he recognized the magnificence and beauty of it all, and that right there and then, up in the air, nothing could ever go wrong.

Whatever it was, it was not children’s cliché or mundane at all.

Back home two weeks after, he declared it again. We were just goofing around with his dad and brothers in our mini-backyard when he suddenly whispered to me that he’s happy. He said it was because we were all together and his kuyas are healthy. How about mom, dad, lola being healthy, too? Yes, that, too, he assured me.

Oh Zion! To perceive the imperceptible, to have a sensitive heart, you are a marvelous kid, just like your brothers.

These are moments you just want to freeze. In a fleeting moment of seeming perfection, your heart flies and sings with gratitude. Gratitude for a happy child, for simple joys, for love, for family.

A child’s soul is such a beauty.

I hope growing up never changes it.

Daisy and Vange

These are the girls whose service allows me to take on a job that brings food on our table, roof over our heads, and just about everything we need to live a relatively comfortable life.

I try to return the favor by consciously making the effort to make their lives slightly better than if they were working somewhere else, say in a factory. For example, they're allowed to watch TV and sleep the whole afternoon on weekdays(ok, this isn't really brag-worthy but it's a luxury i don't have. so.)

I am of course aware that their situation now is farthest from ideal as they're supposed to be in school earning a degree and should still be provided for by their parents instead of the other way around. But I am also aware that their situation can become a lot bearable and less gloomy if I consciously make it so.

I try my best so they don't lose their fragile sense of dignity and capacity to dream. Every chance I get, I share with them stories of hope and redemption to inspire them to build their own similar story.

I encourage them to save as much as they can this early so they can go back to school in 3 years' time, while they're still in their early 20s.

Perhaps they can take up education and become public school teachers in the province. That's probably better than taking some fancy business or computer courses in some less competitive colleges in the province, because a degree which doesn't lead to a professional license would only slightly improve their choices in the job market.

i know some 'banking and finance' graduates in my province who had to settle for a contractual store clerk position in department stores in the city where there's much higher cost of living.*

Yet, yet, there's a part of me that secretly hopes they just marry off a nice foreigner, a young one preferably. I know. It goes against the ideals i aspire for, about preserving decency and self-respect at all cost.

But, honestly, i have little faith in these girls' potential and determination to succeed. As I've seen with the other girls who came before them, they'll probably just get duped by some guy they meet through Globe, Sun and Smart, who soon leaves them broken and with a baby they can't care for. Those girls never bounced back.

So what is the employer left to do?

well, i don't think there's a way to guarantee their future, or anyone else's for that matter. i guess i just have to do what a conscious, benevolent and responsible employer will do, what my own employer does. give them more than what's fair and due, and inspire them to dream.

*This and the preceding para had been rephrased. The original version didn't quite sound right.

i believe

Everything's alright. Always.

for my tired and beaten country

A new heart

A new hope

A new direction

A new journey

A destiny fulfilled

Warriors, still

some people i've met in palawan, people who made the tour unforgettable

Amazing

location: Palawan

Reviving Hope

"To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries" – Aldous Huxley, English Writer

And I about mine.

oOo

Our trip to Puerto Princesa could not have been timelier.

It was just 3 days after the hostage crisis, and we were falling into a nationwide depression. It was a shameful, pathetic event that left me wondering seriously why we’re so good at messing up, and for the entire world to see at that.

What is wrong with us? Why can’t we take off? I am a masochist who begs for answers to these questions even before the tragedy struck. But when Aug 23 happened, I just thought there was no point asking. It just is.

If this country is in a free fall, I can simply go down with it or leave it. I’m going down with it. No more thinking, no more questions, no more struggles, no more big dreams. Go with the flow. It’s easier. Ganito talaga tayo. Mahirap nang baguhin. Puede, pero matagal. Pero hindi na ako mashadong mangangarap.

And then, Puerto Princesa beckoned

I caught a part of myself wanting to hold on to Hope, even if I was ready for disappointment. Somehow, a part of me was still hoping to catch a glimpse of redemption for my country in this beautiful, enchanting place. I was hoping that perhaps its beaches, rivers and mountains would blow my mind away and convince me this is, still, a beautiful country, one that I can be proud of.

I was not disappointed.

Puerto Princesa is indeed an enchanting, even spiritual, place. One should not miss the tours down the Underground River, Sabang Mangroves and the Iwahig River for the fireflies. Down there, nothing else seems to matter. We don’t matter. Governments, people and news come and go, but the mangrove trees continue to grow and the rivers simply flow. Life goes on in spite of people and events.

But it was not about the beaches and rivers and all its untouched natural beauty that gave me hope again.

I realized I’m actually tired of that cliché, the one that says we will discover how beautiful our country is if only we get to see its powder white sand beaches, coral reefs and the ever smiling faces.

I’m tired of that because I realized that was kind of an elitist view. Because if that is so, not all Filipinos will be given a chance to see the natural beauty of this country. Because then, only those with the means to travel or the lucky few who live in the country’s select beautiful places can experience the beauty of this country. And that’s always been our tragedy. There’s always been a huge divide.

I was not disappointed in Puerto Princesa because there I realized that its beauty lies not in its tourist attractions but in its very soul: its people.

Puerto Princesa shines because its people still has the courage, the determination, the heart to FIGHT:

against degradation
against short-term thinking
against consumerism and materialism
for the next generation
for the community
for self-respect
for dignity

There’s no blatant haggling for tip, no appeal for pity, no beggars on the street, no unsightly garbage, no shopping complexes. It’s a city bent on staying true and sticking to what matters in life.

I asked to find a glimpse of redemption for our country in Puerto Princesa and I found inspiring possibilities.

There’s always hope, if you know where to look.